Friday, July 17, 2009

Lara Croft Amazingness

So, secret “revamped” Lara Croft concept art for the Tomb Raider “reboot” have been leaked onto the net by an anonymous mole (some guy at Eidos) using some sort of top-secret device (a camera).

According to these images, Lara will be testing out her equestrian and Legolas skills in a survival horror, open-world adventure in the Dead Marshes near the principal entrance of Mordor while battling Necromorphs and the illegitimate lovechild of Alma (F.E.A.R.) and a really ugly pig.

WOW! I LOVE Lara’s new look, if that picture is actually real. (It is.) However much the Tomb Raider fanboys will cry and wail in their basements about the lack of Lara’s ample cleavage and beckoning-to-be-groped demeanor until their moms come downstairs to see if they want a fresh-baked cookie and a hug, this rugged, more-realistic appearance of Lara is EXACTLY WHAT SHE NEEDS.

QUICK NERD OUT: Eowyn from Lord of the Rings is my favorite movie heroine ever. Do you know why?

You: WHY?

Because when she’s fighting, she gets UGLY. Her hair gets MESSY. Her makeup is NON-EXISTENT. I’m sorry, ladies, I don’t care how pretty you are - if you found yourself battling the Witch-king of Angmar, you would look like hell covered in shit mixed with Mickey Rourke.Sheva from Resident Evil 5 has been my new favorite video game heroine, since she is not only an extremely proficient zombie-slaughterer, and someone I will have on my Zombpocalypse Team along with Bear Grylls, she is sexy without flaunting it.…Unless you obtain the outfit where she very much flaunts it.


ANYWAY, a new, rugged, more realistic, hardcore Lara Croft will be sexier. Just you wait.

Oh, and here's the plot description:

You're welcome.

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